So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
