When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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