one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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