So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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