he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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