You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
