I could make wine with my vomit
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
