so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
