i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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