Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
