Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
a search helicopter?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
