I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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