he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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