There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the raccoons are back...
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