White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
