I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
