apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize