you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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