this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize