i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize