I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
