They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
