I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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