Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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