ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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