I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize