He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
