Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
