And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
