just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize