Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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