Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
