if i can run in heels then i can drive
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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