somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
