I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
