We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
