I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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