i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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