Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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