Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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