you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
