so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
