dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
