Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
