this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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