How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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