You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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