yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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