3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
