So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
