can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They took my balls.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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