I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
