Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
