considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
