I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
