:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
