I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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