fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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