I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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