Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
