the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
