Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
