What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
