my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
