I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
