I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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