Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
