Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
