Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
