apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
