I am spending my child support on dildos
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
