I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
