Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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