I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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