dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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