What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
