im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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