I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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