Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
