I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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