Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no you cant smoke seaweed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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