My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
